endless

Haa.. suddenly… I jus feel so terrible the way i hav managed time for over 1.5 yrs now…i realise now- though i gave my best i did many things right i was no way close to being professional, I mean it. i was more a maverick.. i really donno how much it s valued by.. i dont seem to care about it..all am concerned is about getting the job done.. but world seems to need more which i dont seem to have grown enough to appreciate…okay i did what was needed and am happy about it.. rest let me see going forward……; I think i lived according to my belief that focusing and working on a good long term strategy will make us not derail very badly in the short term as well… i think it works decently welll… but leaves me with a feeling that i could have enjoyed life a lot more… i guess this would happen many a times coz the wait in long term is more and of coz the name says it all – loooong term …

but enjoying short term is so good and at times so soothing  and its so terrible to tell yourself no, when you long yearn for something so dearly, just for the sake of something which has a probability – the loong term… i think its a way of proving to myself the strength I possess or testing my strength!!!!…is that really?!!!  or its a way of telling yourself that nothing is so important to you – oh is it?!! or is it okay i stop coz i know where this would head towards – questioning the very sanity of the so called life and its so n so…

so i take shelter in within my cranium visualisin a small blue ball, with microbe sized human beings walking upside down on its undersurface, in a dark suspension lit with a billion sparkling dots…… this too i think is funny – do u ask why?!! imagine what if a dog next door does the same – wont you laugh at it?!!…